


Bullet Knows

by smileyjunior



Category: The Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smileyjunior/pseuds/smileyjunior
Summary: When Bullet finds out who the killer is, she tries to call Holder and he doesn’t pick up. But she knows.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AshaHawke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaHawke/gifts).



The diner had a comforting feel to it meant to provide a “quality” dining experience. Nothing fancy, just, passable. And it being a diner, they were open 24 hours, which is how Bullet had been able to sit down at a table, long after the sun had set.

Bullet had just come from the bus station, after tracking down and talking with Angie, the girl who had escaped the “Pied Piper”. Thinking back on the conversation, Bullet had seen how terrified she had been she hadn’t wanted to say anything, and she had understood and empathized, but now even more so after Angie shared with her what she knew.

He was a cop. The killer, was a cop.

Armed with this new information, Bullet had called the police station asking to talk to Detective Holder, but they had told her he wasn’t in so she had left a message. Then, as she tried to figure out her next move, Bullet had run to the diner near the bus station, and taken a seat. The revelation from Angie still burned in her head, and a nervous energy flowed through her veins. Fidgeting, Bullet took out her phone and dialed the number she had become all too familiar with, before putting the phone to her ear and resting her other arm on the table.

It rang, and rang. With each ring, Bullet felt herself become more anxious. She needed him to pick up, please pick up.

“ _You’ve reached Detective Stephen Holder. Leave a message._ ”

Damn. “Holder,” Bullet sighed. “Look, I know I messed up, man, but I got something for you, for real. Call me back as soon as you can. I know who he is.” She put the phone down and clicked it off, before sitting up straight and looking around. The nervous energy, threatened to choke her, she decided to briefly focus on the fact that no one had come to give her a menu or anything of the sort so she called out, “Hey, I been here five minutes. A menu would be nice.”

“Yep!” Came a woman’s voice from the front.

Bullet sighed and adjusted herself in the seat, her hand went to her necklace, gently pulling on the chain around her neck. She found herself shaking her head, she had really fucked up. She knew she had. The whole fucking debacle with Lyric... she’d been chasing something she could never have, not with her. The rejection still stung, and she fucking hated that it did... but it didn’t matter. Not anymore.

Another thirty minutes passed by, and not only had she still not received a menu, but her phone had stayed silent. Bullet picked up the phone and dialed Holder’s number again listening to it ring, the phone on speaker she looked at it as it rang, her left hand tangled in her necklace.

“ _You’ve reached Detective Stephen Holder. Leave a message._ ”

Bullet put the phone down and clasped her hands together with her elbows on the table. She rested her face on her knuckles briefly before lifting her head and tangling her left hand in her necklace again, before going back to the phone and stopping herself from dialing. She couldn’t stop moving, too nervous, too anxious...

He’ll call. Bugs—Holder would call. C’mon... What was it he had said at the station?

She—Bullet—had almost got his partner killed. When he had thrown her around, Bullet had been so blinded by her own rage, her own injustice, Kallie’s injustice, that she hadn’t really thought about what he had meant by that. So for the first time that day, Bullet thought about what he had been talking about. His partner... wait, the red head. London, Landon, no wait, Linden that’s right. She’d given Bullet a smoke, but said no to the tattoo, the North Star. Bullet almost smiled fondly at the memory, the vibe she had gotten from the detective was that she was a badass who didn’t take no ones shit, just like her. The smile dissipated when she realized she’d almost gotten that woman killed... somehow. By lying to Holder about Lyric, she’d almost died. Bullet didn’t know how that coulda happened, but it had to be true based on his reaction.

Now she felt even worse then before. Bullet ran her hands over her head, and looked out of the window. It would probably rain tonight, maybe she should just, go to the station. There was a reason she hadn’t done that before of course, but if Holder wasn’t going to call her back what other choice did she have?

Bullet stood up and grabbed her bag, slicing it over her shoulder. She hunched over and put her hands on to her pockets as she made her way out of the diner. Bullet turned towards the right, it would take maybe 20 minutes to walk to the Seattle Police Station from where she was. Setting out, with the cold night air nipping at her skin, she didn’t notice the car driving up behind her. Getting closer, and closer. Bullet’s teeth had begun to chatter, she squeezed her shoulders even tighter, brought them up to her ears.

“Excuse me?”

Her footsteps almost stuttered, but years of living on the streets told her to just keep walking.

“Please, I think...”

Bullet barely glanced over her shoulder as she spat out, “Dude get lost.”

“Are you Bullet?”

She froze. Slowly, she turned around and saw who was speaking. He was a tall guy, though not nearly as tall as Holder, and he was older too. Balding, with black hair on the sides of his head, and a gentle but fierce looking face.

Bullet’s eyes narrowed, “Who’s askin’?”

“My name is James, I work with Detective Holder. He sent me to come get you.”

“You a cop?”

James smiled and nodded, “Holder got your message, rather messages. He couldn’t come himself, but asked me to pick you up. You still want to talk with him right? Because if not, I can just—”

“No!” Bullet nearly shouted taking a step towards him. “No, I, I wanna to him.”

He nodded and jerked his head back towards a car by the curb with it’s hazards on. “Come on then, it’s warmer in the car. I only ask that you sit in the back, police procedure, you understand.”

She huffed in amusement remembering how insistent Holder had been about her staying in the back of the car. “Yeah I get it.”

James opened the back door for her and she climbed inside. He walked around to the front and got behind the wheel. The car was already warm, he had left it running, so as soon as had gotten inside the warm air started to de-tense her muscles that had been so tight in an effort to stay warm.

He looked behind the seat, “Buckle your seat belt.”

She almost rolled her eyes, “Nah, I’m good.”

“I must insist,” James turned further to look in the eye. “Buckle your seat belt.”

With a sigh Bullet did as he asked, then James gave a nod and pulled away from the curb.


	2. Chapter 2

Bullet was looking out the window a hand fiddling with her necklace, watching the lights of the few businesses still open pass by. The two of them rode in silence for a few minutes, not saying anything or speaking to one another. Even though she was in the car with a cop who was bringing her to Holder, Bullet’s nervous energy was still throbbing in her veins, the sooner they got to the precinct the better. She turned away from the window she had been looking out of and put her hand down in to her lap before she looked up at James in the front seat.

“So... you a detective too?” she asked.

James cleared his throat and nodded, “Yes, I am.”

Bullet bobbed her head, “Detective James...” she over-annunciated the syllables of his name. “I appreciate you comin’ to get me.”

He exhaled and moved his head in a circular motion, “Just doing my job.”

She sniffed and shrugged, “Still... it’s real important.”

James raised his eyes to the rear view mirror, and looked back at Bullet in the backseat, “Oh, yeah?”

“Yup,” Bullet crossed her arms, her eyes fixed on the rear view mirror. “Holder your boss?”

Bullet could’ve sworn she heard him “tsk”, but James just shook his head. “No, he’s not my boss.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, “Well I know he ain’t your partner, ‘cause I met her.”

She couldn’t see, but James’ face darkened and his grip grew tighter around the steering wheel. “I have to stop for gas, small detour.”

Frustration and disappointment flooded threw her, “Can’t you wait?”

“We won’t make it with gas. Shouldn’t take too long.”

James put on his turn signal, and turned into a gas station. He pulled up to a pump and put the car in park before turning off the engine and going outside.

Bullet blew out a big breath of frustration, and started fidgeting again. She turned her head and saw James putting the pump in to the car, the numbers on the pump began to spin indicating the gas was going into the tank. James got back behind the wheel and rubbed his hands together.

“It’s cold out there, ain’t it?” James didn’t answer her. “Do you know his partner? Holder’s I mean.”

She saw him stiffen where he sat. At first she thought he would ignore her, but after a beat he said, “Yeah. Yes I do.”

Bullet nodded impassively, “Linden right?”

James sighed, “Uh huh.”

Bullet looked down at her hands, examining her fingernails. A flare of guilt was weaving its way into her brain. Without looking up she asked, “Is she... how is she?”

With a jerk the pump came to a stop, Bullet jumped a little forgetting that it had been running. Without answering her question, James had climbed out of the car and gone to take care of the pump. Once all was settled, he climbed back inside and started the car again before driving away.

She figured asking about Linden had caused the newfound tension in the car, it hadn’t escaped her attention that James hadn’t answered the question about her. She was hesitant to ask again. After another 5 minutes in silence, Bullet looked back out the window only to find she didn’t recognize where they were. Something she had thought to be impossible after the years she had spent on the streets.

“Yo where we at?”

“Quiet down, will you?”

Her head snapped to the front, “I thought we were goin’ to the station?”

“Different precinct is all,” he said smoothly turning the wheel and making a right turn. “Holder said something about you wanting it to be discreet.”

Bullet started to tap her hand against her leg, she bit her lip and sucked on it making a hissing noise. Slowly she slid her phone out of her pocket and looked at the screen. Notifications, no missed calls, no texts. Nothing. She opened the phone and began to dial before pressing it to her ear.

“ _You’ve reached Detective Ste—”_

“Gimme that!” James reached back and snatched her phone.

“The hell man?!” James leaned his elbows on the wheel allowing him to use his hands and snap the phone in half. Bullet’s eyes widened, she undid her seatbelt and went to open the door but it was locked, and she couldn’t get it open. James made a sharp turn throwing her off of her balance and to the other side of the car. As Bullet tried to get her bearings, the car lurched to a stop and she heard him put the vehicle in park. She planted her hands on the head seat rests, one in the front and one in the back, using them as leverage as she tried to kick out at the window to break through. James reached back and grabbed her wrist that was planted on the front seat head rest, he pulled her towards himself with such force that the bone snapped.

Bullet screamed out in agony, then felt a whack to the head as James yelled, “Shut up!”

She heard something metal then she saw the glint of a knife, “No!” Bullet cried and put up her arms in defense, she felt a searing pain as the knife slashed against her skin.

“I didn’t plan for you...” James growled. Bullet didn’t know what that meant, but she didn’t much care to find out either. He seemed to grow larger as she tried to sink lower and lower away from him. She had no where to go, she was trapped.

Bullet shook her head, “No... don’t!” Her eyes zeroed in on the knife in his hands, she opened her mouth to scream—

Inhumanly fast, James slashed the knife down and onto her throat cutting the chain around her necklace, making it fall to the seat of the car. Miraculously, she’d ducked at just the right time so he did not cut her jugular vein, even better the cut was slanted and on the side of her neck.

“C’mere!” James crawled closer to Bullet, but she kicked out at him knocking him in the jaw. His head snapped to the side, he reached up with his knife free hand and tenderly touched his lip before bringing the hand away to look at it. Blood.

“Shit…” Bullet said under her breath.

The look in James’ eye was even more dangerous now, if that were even possible. Bullet banged her elbow against the window, as a last ditch effort. Whether to break out or get someone’s attention, at this point it didn’t matter which. James slashed her leg, slicing through the fabric of her pants and creating a jagged cut on her shin.

Tears leaked from her eyes, she couldn’t do it anymore she couldn’t fight, this was it. This is how if would end for her.

Bullet had faced a lot of injustice in her life, but none of it she thought, compared to this. Hacked to pieces by a crooked cop in the back of a car. The knife came down again, instinctively, she still tried to avoid it but ended up getting partially stabbed in the stomach.

Suddenly, she thought of Kallie. How Kallie would never be found because of this man. He had taken away the one good thing she had had in life. Kallie… who she had taken for granted. And with that thought, with the image of Kallie burned in her mind, the waning energy, grew ten-fold, it her every nerve. James must have seen it on her face, because his features darkened and he advanced once more. When Bullet kicked out this time though, she made sure to aim for his hand that had been holding the knife.

With the impact of Bullets shoe, the knife went flying into the front seat. Before James could recover, she kicked out again kicking up at his chin forcing his teeth to snap together and his head thrown back. Bullet quickly climbed into the front of the car then had a split second to make her decision: take the knife, or leave without it.

Bullet grabbed the knife from the floor of the driver’s seat where it had fallen, and reached for the car door only to be grabbed by the strands of her hair and dragged back. Bullet swung the knife behind, not knowing or caring where it landed. Her hair was let go of, and she went for the door again throwing it open.

She had only taken about 10 steps, when a gun shot rang out and Bullet felt something hit her leg. She fell to the ground, the knife still clutched in her hand. Looking down she saw a hole in her leg oozing blood. The cuts she could deal with and though she had felt the knife go into her stomach she hadn’t looked to see the damage. Now, seeing an actual hole in her body, in her leg, Bullet felt sick, almost faint. James was coming over now, fury emanating off of him. His gun was in his right hand, though it was no longer pointed at her.

He stood over her and nodded towards the knife, “Give it to me.”

She didn’t move, she didn’t breathe. Bullet could feel her own blood slowly leaving her body from several places. Her clothes were wet and sticking to her skin, it was funny how she’d only just realized all of this. She hadn’t noticed any of it in the car. Bullet gulped, and looked up at the man... at the killer. She’d been so close to escape.

“Give it to me!” James shouted and she flinched at volume.

Slowly, Bullet lifted the knife to him. James reached down to take it, his fingers brushed over her own...

Without thinking, without knowing what would or could happen next, Bullet lept to her feet and drove the knife into James’ chest.

It took a moment for them both to realize what she had done. A moment of absolute stillness, followed by James looking at her with a confused expression on his face, to looking down at the knife... then he collapsed, his gun still in his hand. Bullet watched him go down, her mouth slightly agape in disbelief at what she had just done.

James was sputtering, gasping for air, and coughing up blood. She didn’t know what possessed her to do it, but Bullet fell to her knees and crawled over to the dying man. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and shook him, “Where’s Kallie? What’s you do with Kallie?!” His eyes which had been staring at the night sky, slowly moved over to her. She could see they were wide. He gave a small shake of his head, then James became still and moved no more.

Bullet gasped, and choked on a sob. She tired her hands away from him, and raised the back of her hand to her mouth as tears fell from her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Bullet didn’t know how much time had passed, sitting on her legs in the alleyway. The gunshot wound was pulsing, she could feel it along with her heartbeat the two were in sync. Then again she was pretty sure, that’s how it was with the rest of her wounds too. The leg wound just seemed the most prominent.

She was kneeling, next to a serial killer. A dead serial killer, she had killed. And who was a cop. She didn’t have a phone, she couldn’t call anyone. And the only cop, she wanted anything to do with, probably wanted nothing to do with her.

Slowly, Bullet tried to stand up when she did the numbness that she had been experiencing was gone. She couldn’t stop the cry of pain when she stood, putting weight on the leg would be next to impossible she was sure of it. And her stomach, it hadn’t really registered until now just how much it hurt. Everything hurt.

Bullet hopped to a brick wall of a building in the alley, and leaned against it. With one last look at James, she turned and walked away. We’re it not for the wall, there was no way she’d be walking much less moving. Turning out of the alleyway, she found herself on a residential street, in a neighborhood she didn’t know.

Running through options in her head, she tried to think of what she could do. Bitterly, Bullet wished pay phones were still around, she had been told 911 calls were free on those. Then again, such thoughts wouldn’t help her now. She didn’t want to die like this, she didn’t.

Bullet knew about blood loss, it was a given. The human body needs blood to work, just like animals. That’s why, when animals go under surgery they have a veterinarian who, yes can cause bleeding, but they know what they’re doing and when they’re down they sew the animal back up and next thing you know, they’re right as rain.

She had lost quite a bit blood at this point, she was pretty sure of that. She looked down and saw her wrist was purple and swelling. For a second she wondered where she had put the knife... then she remembered James. She’d forgotten about him.

Desperation clawed at her throat as she realized what was happening. The blood loss was making her loopy. She turned to one of the apartment buildings and began to bang on the door.

“Help!” Bullet cried still slamming her fist against the door, “Help me! Please!”

She was getting dizzy now, her vision was swimming. A light rain began to fall from above, Bullet turned and leaned still on the bricks as she went to the next building she saw. Another apartment building, but this one had no buzzer. She threw open the door and went inside.

Leaning on the ugly yellow wallpaper, a blanket of warmth hit hit, and Bullet wanted so badly to embrace it. But she couldn't, not yet. She went to the first door and banged on it, “Help me! Please! Help me!”

With a curious realization, Bullet saw she had left blood as she knocked on the door. Turning her head behind her, she saw a trail of blood from where she had been leaning against the wall. She was finding it hard to breathe, she went to the next door and banged on it. But Bullet couldn’t get the words out, she couldn’t seem to form them. Her mouth moved but no sound came out. She banged again, and again before she fell to her knees her full weight leaning against the door.

“Please...”

——

Stephen Holder’s cellphone rang for the umpteenth time that night, well day. It was 2AM.

Caroline groaned beside him, still asleep. Holder looked over to see who was calling though he was pretty sure he knew. His eyebrows scrunched in confusion when he saw it was the station. Throwing the covers off of himself, Holder took the phone and walked out of the room.

“Yeah this Holder?”

“ _Detective? This is Ray, the tech?_ ”

“Yeah Ray I know who you are, what I don’t know is why you callin’ me at this ungodly hour?”

“ _Sorry Holder but... Seattle General needs you._ ”

It took a moment for Holder to process this, “The hospital?”

“ _Yeah._ ”

“T-the fuck? You know why?” Ray didn’t say thing for a moment. “Ray?!” Holder snapped.

“ _The, the killer struck again. But the victims alive._ ”

“Shit...” Holder shook and hung his head.

“ _Holder? There’s more._ ”

Holder raised his head and sighed, “What?”

“ _The victim, it’s... it’s your CI._ ”

Everything went black around him, he was no longer standing in his apartment, he was floating meaninglessly in a black void. “W-what?”

“Hospital called, said she wanted Detective Holder. Girl who dresses like a boy.”

Holder thought he was going to be sick, he began to gasp, his eyes were wide and unseeing.

“Stephen?” Caroline walked out of the bedroom, concern evident on her face. She knocked him from his stupor.

“Thanks Ray.” Holder hung up the phone and walked past Caroline back into the bedroom, “I’m sorry babe, I gotta go.”

She turned to stand in the doorway watching him get dressed, “Go? It’s 2AM Stephen.”

“Yeah, but this uh, my CI she’s...” Holder shimmied into a pair of pants, then button them and looked up at her. “She’s been attacked.”

“Oh my god,” horrified Caroline put her hand to her mouth.

Holder threw on a t-shirt and his hoodie, “I love you.”

“Love you too.” She kissed him as he walked by and watched him grab his jacket slinging it on.

“I’ll call!” Holder opened the door and shut it.

——

Holder ran down the hallway of the hospital, he’d checked in at Emergency and they’d said Bullet was in the ICU and he’d gone running. He saw the room ahead, the doctor was closing the door.

“Yo doc,” Holder panted as he stood over the short man who gave him a curious look. “How is she?”

“You Holder?”

He nodded, but showed his badge all the same still trying to catch his breath.

“I’d say she’s lucky, but there nothing lucky about what happened to her.”

Holder’s heart, which had already been sporadically beating now felt as though it were going to spring from his chest. “What happened?”

“She’s got multiple lacerations, a broken wrist, stab wound to the abdomen, and a gun shot to the leg. We’ve set the broken wrist, and splinted it. We did have to put her under for surgery to get out the bullet. She lost a lot of blood. Your people already tried to talk to her, I’ve told them that’s not possible until later, she needs rest now. But...” the doctor sighed clearly not too happy, “she insisted she see you. I ask only this, if she falls asleep, don’t wake her. Let her rest. And no overexcitement. She’s been through enough.”

Without another word, the doctor walked away. Holder looked through the window on the door, to the girl in the hospital bed.

Bullet.


	4. Chapter 4

An annoying beeping was going off nearby, and the smell of disinfectant was strong. Bullet groaned as she slowly climbed towards consciousness, the aches and pains she’d had before were now dulled. Still there, but they didn’t seem as bad. She opened her eyes, blinking heavily as things came into focus. She saw machinery above her, and didn’t know what the hell is was.

“That’s giving you the good stuff, Little B.” Bullet looked to the side and saw Holder sitting in a chair next to her bed. “You asked what the machine was, givin’ y’a pain meds.” He gave a her a sad smile.

“Bugs...” she croaked out only now discovering how dry her throat was.

“Just a sec,” Holder stood up, she followed him with her eyes as he poured out a glass of water from an ice pitcher. He walked back over with the cup and put it to her lips, “Slow aight?” Slowly he tilted the cup and poured the liquid down her parched throat. She didn’t think she had ever had such an incredible cup of water before.

“Thanks,” she said her eyes still fixed on him.

Holder gave a slow nod and put the cup aside. “How you doin’?”

Slowly, Bullet bobbed her head and pressed her lips together in a pout, “I’m good all things conferring.”

He couldn’t help himself, the snort of laughter flew out of him before he could stop it. Bullet smiled too. Holder shook his head, “Man you are somethin’ else. Just somethin’ else.”

Bullet didn’t respond for a moment then, “I’m sorry about Linden.”

Holder shook his head gently, “Nah, she’s alright. I shouldn’ta... I shouldn’t...”

“I lied, you were right to, y’a know toss me out or whatnot.” Another moment of silence followed this. “Did you find him?”

Holder’s eyebrows contracted, “Who?”

Bullet felt her heart rate begin to increase, “The killer. James? Officer James?”

“What?”

“I left him there... in the alley. Knife sticking out of his chest. I didn’t really mean to do it... it just sort of happened.”

The alarm was evident on his face now he leaned forward, “You’re saying you killed the killer? The Pied Piper? And he was a cop?”

“Y-yeah,” she nodded looking worried. “You didn’t find him?”

“One sec,” Holder stood up and took his phone out of his pocket quickly dialing dispatch. “Have there been any calls about a body in an alleyway? Knife sticking out of a guys chest?”

Bullet could only hear one side of the conversation, it made everything more tense. She looked at Holder’s back anxiously as he talked to whoever it was he was talking to. He turned and looked back at Bullet, “Were you guys in a car?” She nodded, and and talked into the phone again.

He hung up a few minutes later, and came back to sit by her side. Confused Bullet shook her head, “The hell are you doin’ here man? Go get him!”

He grinned, “Yo first of all, you don’t tell me what to do aight? Secondly, patrol found the scene few hours ago. They didn’t know what it was, I know the detective who was on scene I’ll give him a call later.”

“Don’t ya wanna do that now?”

Holder’s grin faded, “I’m with you B, and that’s where I’ll spend my time.”

Bullet couldn’t identify the feeling the settled in her chest at his words. Slightly uncomfortable, she sat back in to her pillows and sighed.

——

Sarah Linden drove off of the ferry on onto the streets of mainland Seattle. The events of yesterday still weighed on her shoulders, but even worse was the phone call she had had with Ray Seward last night. He was going to die tomorrow, a man she truly believed to be innocent.

She was itching for a cigarette, it wasn’t too much longer of a drive to station though. A red light had her pulling to a stop, and trying to avoid the smoke she reached for her cell phone and opened it. Should she ask Holder for help? Jimmy certainly wasn’t helping, no matter what he had said the day before yesterday. He may believe her now, but he still won’t do shit about it.

Her phone rang, making her jump slightly. She looked down and saw it was Holder calling, so she pressed the button and put the phone to her ear. “Hey.”

“ _Hey, you in yet?_ ”

“No, just got off the ferry. Are you?”

“ _Nah I’m, at the hospital. Killer tried to do in Bullet last night._ ”

“What?!”

“ _She’s good though. I’m with her now, and we got more news. Why don’t you come on down to the hospital?_ ”

Her brain spinning, she nodded without hesitation. “I’m on my way.”

Seattle General wasn’t too much of a detour from the precinct. The locations weren’t exactly close but they weren’t too far either. And she was still in Fauntleroy and had to get all the way downtown. Sarah lit up her flashers and ran the siren, taking off in the streets.

What was usually a 30 minute drive became a 20 minute drive by the time Linden pulled into the parking lot. She was directed to intensive care, and soon walked inside a room where Holder sat beside Bullet in a hospital bed. Both room occupants turned as one when Sarah walked in somewhat breathless.

“Damn Linden, you made the drive that quick?”

Holder’s amusement irked her, “I ran the siren.” Sarah used an authoritative voice that had Holder drop the joking manner at once. Her eyes moved to the young woman in the hospital bed, covered in at least one bandage that Sarah could see. Linden looked back at Holder, “Can I have a word?” Without waiting for an answer, she spun around and walked to the door.

Holder turned his head to Bullet and gave her a small grin, “Be back in a jiff.” He walked to the doorway and the detective stepped right outside together.

Linden didn’t waste any time, “Has she told you what happened?”

“Not yet,” Holder shook his head. “Figured I’d wait for you to get her statement.”

“Why? If she saw him, then you could have—”

“You didn’t let me finish Linden,” he looked at her pointedly, but still with a lightness about him.

Annoyed Linden threw her arms out, “What?”

“She killed ‘im. Didn’t mean to, but it happened. He’s gone Linden, the “Pied Piper” is no more.” A small breath escaped from her lips, she couldn’t find the words to respond so he continued to speak, “So let’s go in there, get her statement. Then you can rocket ship on out of here and wrap this shit up, aight?”

Sarah gave a small nod and together they walked back inside. Bullet looked up at them as they each took a seat by her bed, “Counseling session go alright?”

“Hush you,” said Holder with no heat in his words. “You up to talk ‘bout this?”

Bullet blew out a breath, “Don’t really got a choice, do I?”

“We’ll try to make this brief,” Sarah said. “Can you start at the beginning?”

The young woman nodded stiffly, “After Holder threw me out of the station,” she noticed Linden shoot Holder a questioning look that he pointedly ignored, “I caught up with Lyric, got my heartbroken you know same old, same old.” Bullet was trying to pass it off as no big deal, even though her heart ached as she remembered Lyric’s words: “I’m not gay.” She let out a shaky breath, “So I went to score.”

“You did what?!”

Bullet jumped, she couldn’t help it. She looked up to find Holder looking at her not angry, but horrified. “I didn’t use,” she said with a quick shake of head. “My guy told me about this girl he’d sold to, she’d been all cut up and was gonna skip town. So I went to the bus station and found her, she looked real bad. I asked her to tell me who he was, and she said she couldn’t. She I offered her my score, and she told me.”

“What did she tell you Bullet?” Sarah asked with a sense of urgency.

Bullet swallowed again, she was seriously parched. “He was a cop. The killer, was a cop.”

Linden and Holder exchanged a look with one another, they both seemed to be processing her words and the weight they carried. “Did y’a get a name?” asked Holder.

She shook her head, “Nah. I tried callin’ you about it but you didn’t pick up. Then I called the station, thinking back I probably shouldn’t have... i left you the same message saying i knew who the guy was.”

Holder blew air out of his lips and hung his head between his legs. He shook his head from side to side, and Bullet felt a little angry, “What did you expect me to do? You didn’t answer your phone!”

“What happened next?” Linden asked trying to focus on the matter at hand.

“I decided to go straight to the station. so I was walking there and this guy calls my name, and I told him to get lost, but then he said that Holder had sent him. His name was Detective James.”

Holder and Linden exchanged another glance with each other. “You ever hear…?” Holder began to ask.

Sarah shook her head, “No.” She looked back at Bullet again, “Alright, so you met Detective James.”

“I know what you’re thinkin’, maybe he wasn’t a cop after all, right? ‘C’ept in the message I left Bugs, I told him where I was gonna wait. So if he wasn’t a cop, how else could he have known where to find me?” When neither of them responded, she continued. “I got in his car, we were driving, stopped for gas. Then as we continued to drive I realized I didn’t know where we were. He said we were going to another precinct, but I got suspicious and took out my phone and tried to call you again.

“He took it from me, snapped it in half and pulled over. I braced my hands to try and kick out the window and he grabbed my wrist, I heard the bone break. He hit me in the head and told me to shut up. That was the first time I saw the knife. I tried getting out of the car but I couldn’t. He said he hadn’t planned for me. I can’t...” she shook her head. “It kinda melts together. The knife just kept comin’ down and I tried not to get cut. When he went for my throat I moved, I kicked him in the jaw,” Bullet let out a humorless chuckle. “He was pissed. He slashed my leg, my arms at some point, and got me in the stomach. At one point though, I kicked the knife outta his hand. I grabbed it and got out, that’s when he shot me,” almost done, she took a breath. “He came over, didn’t even point the gun at me. Asked for the knife, i started to give it to him, then I just got to my feet and I... put it in his chest.”

None of them spoke for a few moments. Sarah cleared her throat, “What happened next?”

“Learned what blood loss felt like,” Bullet nodded not looking at the detectives. “Tried knocking on a few apartments, y’a know for help.” The memory came back to her slowly...

_She was on the floor in the hallway, and her vision was swimming. A door opened somewhere, there was a gasp and someone cried “Call 911!” Hands, warm, soft hands reached out to cup Bullet’s cheek. “If you can hear me,” the same voice said, “we’re getting you help.”_

_Bullet struggled to speak, “He’s... in the alley. Alley!”_

_“Alright sweetie, it’s fine, it’s okay. The cops are coming, you’re going to be fine. Stay with me.”_

_“My god, her leg!” Someone else’s voice, a man. But at this point Bullet didn’t care. She couldn’t. Her half lidded eyes began to close..._

_“No stay awake, stay awake!” The same pair of soft warm hands tapped her on the cheek, “Please, please stay awake.”_

_“I’m going to go outside, make sure they know where to go.”_

_“Alright, okay go!” The warm voice sounded breathy now, scared almost. “Almost there sweetie, hang in there. What’s your name?”_

_Her own name was on the precipice of her lips, trying to fight its way out of her mouth. All that came out, was “bah” as she formed the “B”._

_“Okay you know what, don’t talk. But stay awake okay?” The woman took Bullet’s hand on hers and squeezed it gently. Sirens were approaching, they could hear them getting closer._

_“P-please...” Bullet forced herself to say it._

_The woman bent down putting her ear next to Bullet’s mouth, “What was that?”_

_“Holder...” she said his name on an exhale. “Dete- Holder.”_

_“Holder? Im sorry, I don’t understand.” Another door opened, the sounds of hurried footsteps followed. “She’s lost so much blood, please!”_

_“Let go of her hand ma’am.”_

_The soft warm hand was gone, and Bullet felt more alone then ever with it’s absence._

_“Can you hear me?” A bright light shined into her eyes, but as much as she wanted to look away, Bullet couldn’t. “Get the cart in here!”_

_“Holder...” It was the last thing she said before everything went black._

—

“Then I woke up here.”

Sarah nodded and let out a small sigh. Then she looked back up at the young woman, “What did he look like? Detective James?”

Bullet swallowed, “Tall, but not as tall as Bugs. He was older too, not sure by how much though. His eyes looked... black almost and he had this black dark grey hair on the sides of his head.”

“Sides?”

She nodded, “He was bald.”

Bullet knew she had something that had struck a nerve. The reaction in both of the detectives was incredibly strong.

“No fucking way...” Holder shook his head and slowly turned to Sarah.

She looked frozen. The color had faded from her skin, her gaze had become distant, and slowly moved down to the floor. Linden stood up, and walked out of the room.

Confused, Bullet looked at Holder, “What’s with her?”

Holder’s face was still frozen in horror, silently, he shook his head.


	5. Chapter 5

When Sarah had made it to the hallway of the hospital, she took a few steps away from the door then stumbled. Quickly, she put her arm out to brace herself against the wall keeling over.

“Ma’am, are you alright?”

She didn’t give a verbal answer, she raised her other hand with a flat palm out and nodded her head slowly. Linden leaned on the wall as she continued to walk along the hallway.

It couldn’t be, no. She was wrong, Bullet... she was wrong. Linden could her own rapid breathing in her head, right in her head. Making it to the end of the hall, she went around the corner, unaware of the states the medical staff were giving her.

No. No. Not Jimmy. He couldn’t be.

A memory flashed by her eyes, meeting James Skinner for the first time. Lieutenant Oakes had introduced them, said they were to be partners. Jimmy had given her a warm smile and a firm handshake. She’d found herself enamored with him, this kind man who treated her as an equal. They bonded over the fact that they were parents, swapping stories about their kids. They knocked out each case they were given, the detectives had a perfect record. He always listened to her ideas about the cases, never stonewalling her. Always having each other’s back, they trusted one another 100%, at times put their lives into one another’s hands.

When he made sergeant a year after being partnered, Linden had congratulated him, but had felt a little forlorn because she figured she’d be reassigned. Sergeants always grew to be bigger and better officers. But then Jimmy informed her he was staying on as her partner, taking up the mantle of Detective Sergeant. That was when they shared their first kiss.

The affair started small, they couldn’t go to either of their houses unless Jack was with Regi. There had been several make-out sessions in the car, making Sarah feel like a teenager again. When they could go someplace with a bed, whether to her empty house or even a motel—the sex had been breathtaking and unreal. Afterwards, they would lie side by side together, her head resting on his hairy chest, twisting the hair in her fingers. He would look down at her, his eyes full of affection and Sarah would smile before they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

After one particularly intense love-making session, they laid side by side panting hard sweat glistening on their skin. Sarah had turned her head to look at him, and said: “I wish it could be like this always.”

Jimmy had looked back at her, still panting and said a genuine, “I love you.”

Linden had burst into tears of happiness.

It was better then when she had been with Greg. She found herself happier then she could remember being in such a long time. True, it was hard because he had his wife his first commitment would always be to her. But the love and attention Jimmy gave Sarah, sometimes made her forget there was another woman.

Sneaking around was hard sometimes, and they never fraternized on the clock. Work was for work, save for perhaps a few longing glances they would shoot each other’s way.

Sarah met Jennifer Skinner during a case gone wrong. It was nothing major, but Jimmy had been knocked down by a perp, and taken to the hospital. Sarah had been standing next to his bed in the ER while he got a few stitches, when a woman with mild eyes and brunette hair had come running around the corner frantically, her hand gripping the hand of a small blonde girl.

“Oh my god, are you all right?” The woman went to James’ side and kissed him.

James kissed her back and shook head, “I’m fine honey, no need to worry. You didn’t have to come.”

“The station called, said you were hurt I was so scared.”

Sarah felt as though the oxygen had been taken from her lungs when saw the woman and the child, realizing this was his wife and daughter. The woman turned and saw Sarah, her forehead scrunched in confusion, “Who are you?”

“Honey, this is my partner. Detective Sarah Linden.”

“Oh!” A kind smile appeared on Jennifer’s face, “James has told me all about you. Great to put a name to a face.” The two women shook hands, then Sarah had excused herself to let James be with his family.

The affair continued, looking back she still couldn’t tell when Jennifer had found about them. Everything changed though with the Seward case. Suddenly, Jimmy wasn’t 100% behind her. He didn’t believe her, he pushed away her thoughts and suggestions when she tried to tell him she thought Ray Seward was innocent. Sarah hadn’t understood, it had never been this way and she began to lose herself. A spiral had taken place, and then she was in a psych ward.

When Linden got out, Jimmy had been promoted to lieutenant and their partnership was officially over. So was their affair. They had met up outside of work and agreed it best to say goodbye. There no lingering looks, kisses or hugs. They said goodbye and that was that.

Yes, Sarah’s heart had hurt but she threw herself into work. And she had Jack. But the affection for Jimmy never left, it was always there. A small part of her, would always have some animosity towards Jennifer. Nice as she was, Jennifer would always have want Sarah wanted and never could have.

Jimmy, her Jimmy.

Then the case, she came and she saw him again. To be with him again, just working... she felt something in her heart.

Back in the hospital, or rather outside of the hospital, somehow Linden had made her way outside to the front of the hospital. She thought back to the Seward case, and how Jimmy had been so insistent she was wrong and he was right. Why hadn’t she realized... maybe he was...

Sarah stumbled to the side of the hospital and fell to her knees, a guttural scream ripped out of her throat before she clapped her hands over her mouth to muffle the sound. The truth was setting in, Jimmy...

She clenched her hands into fists and threw them against her head, pulling on the strands of her hair. Linden hadn’t realized she was sobbing until she saw a tear fall down into the grass. She loved him. A child murderer, rapist... her Jimmy. Linden collapsed into the grass unable to hold herself up, her head racing with thoughts that threatened to drown her.

The faces in the bull pen on the bulletin board, Danette, Trisha, Adrian, Ray...

A hand came down on her shoulder and Sarah reacted violently throwing whoever had touched her off. The hand came back and Sarah swung out and hit something or someone. Then there more hands, trying to hold her down and she kept swinging out. The next thing she knew, Linden was being pinned into the grass by multiple hands. Jerking, and twisting she tried to break free but had no luck doing so. James’ smiling face was burning in her eyes, Sarah didn’t know whether she wanted to embrace him or kill him. Linden felt a pinch in her neck, and her limbs immediately began to feel heavy, then slowly everything began to fade. She swore she could hear a familiar voice, and with a pang she wondered if it could be James.

The monster she loved.

—

Holder hated hospitals, absolutely despised them. When he learned about Bullet, he never hesitated and went to Seattle General right away. Knowing the case was over, he’d felt such a relief... calling Linden he couldn’t wait to give her the good news. He shoulda known she’d want to take care of business first though. Then Bullet told her story, and it ended in a way that he could never have seen coming. Holder had looked over at Linden, and saw her stumble from the room, Bullet had been confused and asked him what was going on with his partner.

It had taken more then a moment for the shock to ebb away, once it did, he kicked himself for not realizing it sooner.

“I’ll be back!” He shouted to Bullet. Holder ran out the door and looked down the sides of the hallway for Linden. He went left all the way to the exit to find some sort of commotion happening nearby, a group of people in scrubs were trying to subdue someone. “Wait!”

It seemed he was too late, they wouldn’t let him near her, insisting she was a danger to herself and to him. They only backed off when Holder remembered he had a badge on his hip. A stretcher was brought out, and they were going to bring her to the psychiatric ward but Holder wouldn’t hear it.

“Listen, she’s not crazy aight she’s a cop! She just...” Just what? Found out her ex-lover was a serial killer? He couldn’t say that could he now? “...Just lost a colleague. The two of them were close, she’s in shock.”

The doctor who had been called out looked at him doubtfully, but settled on having her admitted to the general area for 24 hour observation. Holder walked with them, just to make sure no doctor was tryin’ to play him or somethin’. They put Linden in a room just a few ways down from Bullet’s, and dressed her in a hospital gown before putting her in the bed and restraining her to it. Holder had tried to fight them on that front too, but the doctor said that was the only way she could avoid the psych ward so Holder relented.

And now he was dividing his time between the two rooms. He went back and sat with Bullet, who gave him a quizzical look at the new worn out expression on his face. “What’s with you?”

Holder sighed and shook his head, “When it rains it pours kid, y’a know?”

Bullet admittedly did know what he meant in general, but she had no clue what he was talking about in that moment, “Where’s Linden?”

His face became even more somber. Holder a deep breath, “The guy you described? That’s our boss,” her eyes widened and Holder nodded. “Even worse, Linden she... knew him pretty well. They...” he stopped himself. “Look, it ain’t my story to tell.”

“You totally didn’t answer my question,” said Bullet giving him a piercing look. “Where’s Linden?”

—

Sarah slowly came back to consciousness, not immediately remembering how she had lost it. She found herself staring at a speckled ceiling, and heard the annoying steady beep of a heart monitor. Wait. Heart monitor. Hospital. Jimmy.

Immediately, the agitation started to seep back into her, and she tried to move only to find that she couldn’t. Linden looked down and saw the restraints holding her to the bed. A gasp of panic escaped her lips, she tugged against the restraints trying to get free.

“That ain’t gonna work, you know that right?”

Sarah’s head snapped to the side; Bullet was sitting in a wheelchair next to her bed. Linden shook her head, “What are you doing here?”

Bullet sighed, “Bugs is takin’ a nap, he fell asleep in the chair by my bed. So I stole the wheelchair to find you.”

“Go back to bed Bullet,” said Sarah not too kindly. “Just go.”

“Not yet,” Bullet shook her head. “We gotta talk.”

“Bullet...”

“I’m sorry,” she spoke over Linden. The words from Bullet’s mouth took Sarah aback based on the expression on her face. “I heard about what happened with... with Pastor Mike.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Kinda was,” she shrugged. “If I hadn’t lied, they coulda found ya sooner. So, I’m sorry.”

Sarah shook her head, “Go.”

“Yeah, still not done,” the faintest hint of a smile appeared on Bullet’s lips. “I don’t know it all, but I heard you knew James.”

“Don’t...” Sarah shook her head more viciously and spoke through gritted teeth.

“You’re probably thinkin’ part of it’s your fault, right?” The Detective didn’t respond, she merely pressed her trembling lips together. “Well it ain’t. Dude was a master of disguise. I’ve lived in the streets for a long ass time, and I’ve learned how to read people. Even I thought the guy was okay.” Sarah closed her eyes, and tear fell down the side of her face. “It’s gonna be okay Linden. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it’ll be okay.”

All of a sudden, hurried footsteps came into the room and both women turned to see Holder. “Yo Lil’ B, don’t be pullin’ shit like that on me!” His eyes drifted to Linden, he walked over slowly and jerked his head. “‘Sup Linden? Next time ya gonna have a mental breakdown, maybe lemme know ahead of time so they don’t end up sedating you aight?”

“Can I go?” asked Sarah.

“They holdin’ ya for 24 hours. Wanted to put you in psych but I wouldn’t let ‘em.”

Sarah had paled when he mentioned psych, but she slowly nodded her head, “Thanks.”

“We gonna be alright Linden.” Holder looked at Bullet and gave her a small grin which she reciprocated. They both looked at Linden, who seemed doubtful but she gave a gentle nod.

“Alright.”


End file.
